Seasonal Depression 2023 Edition

Posted on Nov 22, 2023

If you didn’t know, my dad passed away earlier this year.

My dad and I didn’t have much of a relationship after I turned 18. There was a lot involved with that. I’m sure that there were things that I did that gave him more gray hair, and I like to think that he’d be proud of where I’m at today. Sometime after 2001, my dad stopped talking to me completely. It took me a few months to realize that he had basically cut me out of his life: he didn’t bother telling me that my Grandma Wilson had passed until a week after the funeral, and he did it by email.

I had always hoped that one day, he’d reach out, ask if I wanted to grab dinner, and we’d catch up.

I owe my love of tech on my dad’s shoulders. I also owe my ‘insecure’ password to him: he would occasionally try to lock me out of his tech, but, his password was memorable enough that I didn’t have any issues breaking it. I loved reading his (probably stolen) copy of “Out of the Inner Circle” that specifically discussed computer security, social engineering, and a lot of other things that basically allowed me to grow into the information security professional that I am today.

You might be asking, “Hey, ian, what does this have to do with seasonal depression?”

Keeping the hope that one day I might be able to see my dad…helped me through a lot of dark times.

That’s one less candle that I have lighting my path and guiding my way, in an era that gets dark before I wrap up work for the day.

For those who may be concerned, I’m far from suicidal, but, me being this depressed is normal during the winter. I will get past this, I will be better in the spring, and I will work on myself to get past the ball of blackness that I have in my heart over this.